“Come on. Yes. I can do it. Yes. ………. Damn !! these were the words of Rishab sitting inside the locked bathroom of his room. It has been four days since every morning Rishab has been trying to end his life. His pathetic life. The unpalatable life.
“Why should not I do it?” he asked himself, hoping to find a ray of hope which would be quite an excuse to avoid the situation. But only darkness ruled over his fate. This was the second time that he had been unsuccessful in passing his school’s annual examination. But ending his own life, now, seemed far more difficult than passing in examinations. Cutting through his own veins projected a horrific scene. Oh! The loss of blood, the pain --- Unbearable. But Rishab had no other choice. But why?
Rishab was a broken heart from the moment he had first failed. The agony of seeing friends ascending to a higher standard and a junior being called “classmate” could be quite a degrading feeling. Adding to the woes, the relatives and the neighbors have not missed a chance in humiliating the poor lad. But they were just doing their duty, the society’s duty --- criticism. His father also did not speak to him for days. A father’s prejudice. His mother was the sole guardian, scouting her son’s academic failure by saying things like “you know, he had fever and the paper was so difficult this time and…” Yes, yes. We know all know a mother’s emotions.
Now, though Rishab was initially abased, he came out of the sorrow. He decided to show others that he was not a failure. So he started to study really hard in his new academic year. Brave lad. He was determined to come out of the public humiliation by putting up a great show. In this phase, he got another ray of hope. Megha. The girl of his life. The one. The only. It really felt to be in seventh heaven when Megha would hold his hand and say all the things that Rishab had only heard in movies.
But then, something happened. It was like Megha’s appearance in Rishab’s life was fading out. She was now more inclined towards another person. And one day came when she was not there. Not anymore. Then what about her commitments and promises? Well, crushes and mistakes do occur in school life. But Rishab was in shatters. The poor lad. He had taken the relationship too seriously. And why not. She had come in his life when everyone has turned him down.
And then came the Examinations. Rishab tried but could not cross the thin red line. He had failed once again. The departure of his love had resulted in the degradation of his performance. His father, now, had only one thing to say, “your future is a blackboard”. His mother had also failed this time in saving her son from the critics of the criticizers. They were so competent.
Seeing the picture, Rishab the tormented soul had decided to bid goodbye to the world. And today would be the final cut. But a lot of debate was going in Rishab’s mind. He was, as if trying to find out some answers.
“Nobody loves me. Nobody cares about me. Megha left me like I was no one. How could she? Was it because I was a failure? But that she knew already. I should have seen it coming. And today, I am just an object of criticism. So why should I live?”, asked Rishab to himself. “But what about ma? She loves me so much. She would nearly die if I commit suicide.” “But, what is the object of staying alive anymore? Dad hates me. I have let him down. Twice.” Rishab was puzzled. He thought to himself, “But ma! what about her trust? Is this the only way? What if I try again? Ma was telling me about that uncle who failed twice but now is in USA and doing great. Can it be true? It may.” He paused for a moment. “Yes. Failure cannot mean my death. I should give myself another chance. Yes. Another shot. This time I will not only pass, but I will rank. I will”
Tears had stopped. The blade was thrown into the dustbin. Rishab was smiling. Not the victorious one. But the one with hope. The one with sole satisfaction and determination that had triggered immense strength in him.
He got up from the commode and proceeded towards the locked door. And then, he slipped. For a moment he was in the air. Then he fell. His head struck the edge of the commode. He laid on the floor. For a second there was a movement in the muscles and a sheer try in the voice. Then, silence. The white floor became red.
After a while, his mother called out, “ Rishab! Come out! What are you doing for so long? Come out.” But there was no answer. Never.
“Why should not I do it?” he asked himself, hoping to find a ray of hope which would be quite an excuse to avoid the situation. But only darkness ruled over his fate. This was the second time that he had been unsuccessful in passing his school’s annual examination. But ending his own life, now, seemed far more difficult than passing in examinations. Cutting through his own veins projected a horrific scene. Oh! The loss of blood, the pain --- Unbearable. But Rishab had no other choice. But why?
Rishab was a broken heart from the moment he had first failed. The agony of seeing friends ascending to a higher standard and a junior being called “classmate” could be quite a degrading feeling. Adding to the woes, the relatives and the neighbors have not missed a chance in humiliating the poor lad. But they were just doing their duty, the society’s duty --- criticism. His father also did not speak to him for days. A father’s prejudice. His mother was the sole guardian, scouting her son’s academic failure by saying things like “you know, he had fever and the paper was so difficult this time and…” Yes, yes. We know all know a mother’s emotions.
Now, though Rishab was initially abased, he came out of the sorrow. He decided to show others that he was not a failure. So he started to study really hard in his new academic year. Brave lad. He was determined to come out of the public humiliation by putting up a great show. In this phase, he got another ray of hope. Megha. The girl of his life. The one. The only. It really felt to be in seventh heaven when Megha would hold his hand and say all the things that Rishab had only heard in movies.
But then, something happened. It was like Megha’s appearance in Rishab’s life was fading out. She was now more inclined towards another person. And one day came when she was not there. Not anymore. Then what about her commitments and promises? Well, crushes and mistakes do occur in school life. But Rishab was in shatters. The poor lad. He had taken the relationship too seriously. And why not. She had come in his life when everyone has turned him down.
And then came the Examinations. Rishab tried but could not cross the thin red line. He had failed once again. The departure of his love had resulted in the degradation of his performance. His father, now, had only one thing to say, “your future is a blackboard”. His mother had also failed this time in saving her son from the critics of the criticizers. They were so competent.
Seeing the picture, Rishab the tormented soul had decided to bid goodbye to the world. And today would be the final cut. But a lot of debate was going in Rishab’s mind. He was, as if trying to find out some answers.
“Nobody loves me. Nobody cares about me. Megha left me like I was no one. How could she? Was it because I was a failure? But that she knew already. I should have seen it coming. And today, I am just an object of criticism. So why should I live?”, asked Rishab to himself. “But what about ma? She loves me so much. She would nearly die if I commit suicide.” “But, what is the object of staying alive anymore? Dad hates me. I have let him down. Twice.” Rishab was puzzled. He thought to himself, “But ma! what about her trust? Is this the only way? What if I try again? Ma was telling me about that uncle who failed twice but now is in USA and doing great. Can it be true? It may.” He paused for a moment. “Yes. Failure cannot mean my death. I should give myself another chance. Yes. Another shot. This time I will not only pass, but I will rank. I will”
Tears had stopped. The blade was thrown into the dustbin. Rishab was smiling. Not the victorious one. But the one with hope. The one with sole satisfaction and determination that had triggered immense strength in him.
He got up from the commode and proceeded towards the locked door. And then, he slipped. For a moment he was in the air. Then he fell. His head struck the edge of the commode. He laid on the floor. For a second there was a movement in the muscles and a sheer try in the voice. Then, silence. The white floor became red.
After a while, his mother called out, “ Rishab! Come out! What are you doing for so long? Come out.” But there was no answer. Never.
